Ok, a week ago or so, I received an email from a friend. You know the ones...20 questions, all to be answered and sent out to all your friends so they learn new stuff about you. Well this one was about Christmas traditions, etc. I answered it, and sent it out. I got some very nice responses, some never responded, and then there was THIS response. (I've removed names to protect the guilty)

1. Eggnog or Hot Chocolate? Is the eggnog loaded? Meaning does it include whiskey? No. hot chocolate then. With lots of those mini can never seem to catch them in your mouth before they melt marshmallows.

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree? Do I look like Santa Clause? How should I know what he does? I do know that he seems to miss my house every year though. Guess it has to do with not having a chimney.

3. Colored lights on tree/house or white? WHEN we decorate the outside of the house, we use colored lights. But we haven't done that in a couple of years. Hubby now threatens to make me do it. and I am NOT climbing my fat ass up on the roof. Not even for Santa.

4. Do you hang mistletoe? Nope. That gives hubby more incentive to try to kiss me. We wouldn't want that, now would we?

5. When do you put your decorations up? Please see question number 10 for my Scrooge reference.

6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)? The big ole dried out turkey that Gramma "slow" roasts in the oven from midnight 'til noon. Thank God for gravy!

7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child? I was never a child. I was born infinitely wise. Okay even *I* can't say that with a straight face.

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? What do you MEAN truth? Santa's really a secret Russian spy who infiltrates US homes by cooking up some wild scheme about dropping presents off through people's chimneys that are actually small cameras and listening devices? I've known that for years now.

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? Nope. We begged Mom and always refused.

10. How do you decorate your Christmas tree? We're related to Scrooge at my house. To put up decorations means that one has actually put up a tree. In the last seven years that hubby and I have lived together we've not done that. so there's no need for decorations on it, now is there?

11. Snow? Yes PLEASE!! I would LOVE to see it snow in Florida. It'd be funny to see about a foot of it just pile up. *I* know how to drive in snow.

12. Can you ice skate? Yeah, on my ass.

13. Do you remember your favorite gift? Disclaimer: before you read this answer, please finish chewing and/or swallowing any food or drink like substance. Thank you. My favorite Christmas gift came from two of the best friends a girl could ask for. I was 21 and involved in a long distance relationship, so. well. I wasn't getting "any" on a regular basis. These two caring friends thought they would help rectify this problem. We threw a party and exchanged gifts. First I would like to point out that I purchased tasteful gifts for these friends. I was an innocent victim. My Christmas gift, ladies and gentlemen (drum roll please) an 8-inch cyber skin "feels like the real thing" jelly penis. Top that Santa!

14. What's the most important thing about the Holidays for you? To stay as FAR away from malls as I possibly can. A person can lose themselves (or sell themselves, depending on the person, I guess) in a place like that.

15. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert? Whipped cream. It's delicious, has a nutritional value, and can be served on a variety of desserts. not to mention body parts.

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition? Gathering at Gramma's three hours before food and/or presents were ready to be dug into. Sitting there, listening to the constant bickering of my family. And waiting for the inevitable irritability of someone storming out, disclaiming that they don't know just WHAT the heck crawled up so and so's ass. but they're never coming back to this house EVER again. Ten minutes later the phone rings with the now cooled off individual calling to apologize and asking if they can come back. Aahh. the joy of family for the holidays!

17. What tops your tree? Let me tell you a story. if I had a tree, my cat would knock it over. Why? Because he's a damned heathen, that's why. So if I had a tree. and after continuously picking it up and redecorating it, I would have to say the cat. He would be my angel. Okay so now that I think about it. I wonder if he'd light up.

18. Which do you prefer giving or receiving? That's a loaded question. I thought this was a nice, innocent Christmas quiz! Oh, you mean GIFTS! Right. Got it. Moving on.

19.What is your favorite Christmas Song? I like it when they're over, does that count?

20. Candy Canes yum or yuck? Oh I love month old candy that's been hanging on someone's Christmas tree. I particularly like the ones where half the plastic has "melted" off and have been exposed to the air and the dog licking them for the last week. Those are the BEST!