Some of you may have seen these before, but I hadn't and I thought some of them were chuckle-worthy:

Smart-Ass Answer #6:
It was mealtime during an airline flight. "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked John, seated in front. "What are my choices?" John asked. "Yes, or no," she replied.


Smart-Ass Answer #5:
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."


Smart-Ass Answer #4:
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."


Smart-Ass Answer #3:
The police officer got out of his car as the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the officer said. "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.


Smart-Ass Answer #2:
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed a sign that read: Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of him and his truck gets wedged under it. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car, walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips, and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "I was delivering this bridge, and I ran out of gas."


Smart-Ass Answer #1:
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family. But that's it! No other excuses whatsoever! A student in the back of the room raises his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, "Well I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."


Bonus Smart-Ass Answer:
A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees, and says to her husband," I feel horrible. I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment." The husband replies," Your eyesight's damn near perfect!"