Reasons the English language is so hard to learn

We've all probably seen this one passed around via email, but I still think it's fascinating to see all the variations and stupid rules we have in the English language.

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.

19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?


Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?

One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend. If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why don't preachers praught?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.



PS: Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick?"

Written by a Pastor's Wife

And it came to pass in the Age of Insanity that the people of the land called America, having lost their morals, their initiative, and their will to defend their liberties, chose as their Supreme Leader that person known as "The One". He emerged from the vapors with a message that had no meaning; but He hypnotized the people telling them, "I am sent to save you. My lack of experience, my questionable ethics, my monstrous ego, and my association with evildoers are of no consequence. For I shall save you with Hope and Change. Go, therefore, and proclaim throughout the land that he who preceded me is evil, that he has defiled the nation, and that all he has built must be destroyed." And the people rejoiced, for even though they knew not what "The One" would do, he had promised that it was good; and they believed. And "The One" said "We live in the greatest country in the world. Help me change everything about it!" And the people said, "Hallelujah!! Change is good!"

Then He said, "We are going to tax the rich fat-cats." And the people said "Sock it to them!" "And redistribute their wealth." And the people said, "Show us the money!"

And then He said, "Redistribution of wealth is good for everybody" And Joe the plumber asked, "Are you kidding me? You're going to steal my money and give it to the deadbeats??" And "The One" ridiculed and taunted him, and Joe's personal records were hacked and publicized. One lone reporter asked, "Isn't that Marxist policy?" And she was banished from the kingdom!

Then a citizen asked, "With no foreign relations experience and having zero military experience or knowledge, how will you deal with radical terrorists?" And "The One" said, "Simple. I shall sit with them and talk with them and show them how nice we really are; and they will forget that they ever wanted to kill us all!" And the people said, "Hallelujah!! We are safe at last, and we can beat our weapons into free cars for the people!"

Then "The One" said, "I shall give 95% of you lower taxes." And one, lone voice said, "But 40% of us don't pay ANY taxes." So "The One" said, "Then I shall give you some of the taxes the fat-cats pay!" And the people said, "Hallelujah!! Show us the money!"

Then "The One" said, "I shall tax your Capital Gains when you sell your homes!" And the people yawned and the slumping housing market collapsed.

And He said, "I shall mandate employer-funded health care for EVERY worker and raise the minimum wage. And I shall give every person unlimited healthcare and medicine and transportation to the clinics." And the people said, "Give me some of that!"

Then he said, "I shall penalize employers who ship jobs overseas." And the people said, "Where's my rebate check?"

Then "The One" said, "I shall bankrupt the coal industry and electricity rates will skyrocket!" And the people said, "Coal is dirty, coal is evil, no more coal! But we don't care for that part about higher electric rates." So "The One" said, "Not to worry. If your rebate isn't enough to cover your expenses, we shall bail you out. Just sign up with ACORN and your troubles are over!"

Then He said, "Illegal immigrants feel scorned and slighted. Let's grant them amnesty, Social Security, free education, free lunches, free medical care, bi-lingual signs and guaranteed housing..." And the people said, "Hallelujah!!" And they made him King!

And so it came to pass that employers, facing spiraling costs and ever-higher taxes, raised their prices and laid off workers. Others simply gave up and went out of business and the economy sank like unto a rock dropped from a cliff. The banking industry was destroyed. Manufacturing slowed to a crawl. And more of the people were without a means of support.

Then "The One" said, "I am the "The One" - The Messiah - and I'm here to save you! We shall just print more money so everyone will have enough!" But our foreign trading partners said unto Him, "Wait a minute. Your dollar is not worth a pile of camel dung! You will have to pay more..." And the people said, "Wait a minute. That is unfair!!" And the world said, "Neither are these other idiotic programs you have embraced. Lo, you have become a Socialist state and a second-rate power. Now you shall play by our rules!"

And the people cried out, "Alas, alas!! What have we done?" But yea verily, it was too late. The people set upon "The One" and spat upon him and stoned him, and his name was dung. And the once mighty nation was no more; and the once proud people were without sustenance or shelter or hope. And the Change "The One" had given them was as like unto a poison that had destroyed them and like a whirlwind that consumed all that they had built. And the people beat their chests in despair and cried out in anguish, "Give us back our nation and our pride and our hope!!" But it was too late, and their homeland was no more.

You may think this is a fairy tale, but it's not. It's happening RIGHT NOW !!!

Uncle Jay Explains

Still Aching

My back is still bothering me. I'm almost done with the pain pills, still have a few more days of the muscle relaxers, but the pain is down to a constant dull ache. It's still uncomfortable to sit in a chair for more than 10 minutes or so, but I'm doing it as often as I can.

Thank you for all your good thoughts and well-wishes. I'll keep you updated on my progress.

Back Update

I went to the doctor today. She gave me more muscle relaxers and a prescription for pain pills (analgesic + acetominophen). She also suggested I got to physical therapy for 12 sessions to start strengthening my back muscles.

Back to the couch I go.

I'm A Dork

I strained my back again yesterday. The only comfortable place is lying on the couch. Not sure if I'm going to work tomorrow. I started taking some Ibuprofen last night, so far it doesn't seem to be helping. I may have to call the doctor if it's not any better tomorrow. As soon as I can sit at the computer for more than five minutes at a time, I'll be back.

No Fainting or Passing Out Is Allowed!

*Sets down a bunch of pillows to cushion everyone's landing*

No, I'm not just getting back from California. I've been back, but I was held hostage became addicted to a game on Facebook. Mafia Wars has had my attention ever since I got home, and I have been sitting at the computer for hours, literally until my butt hurts, waiting for more energy to do jobs, looking for people who need help with jobs to earn me mega bucks. Can you say sleep-deprived???

I finally started seriously working to get caught up on the blogs, and finally accomplished that this morning about 12:30am. Pitiful, I know.

I have SO many pictures from my trip. NOT! Seriously, I took my camera, I took LOTS of batteries, and every single day I would forget my camera. I only had it out on the FIRST day of my vacation. Extremely pitiful. I admit it.


This was at Cabrillo National Monument, while we were waiting for my sister's flight to arrive. There are tidepools there, but it was high tide, so we just stood and watched the surf come in on the rocks. Still a pretty sight!


Up by the visitors Center, where the monument actually is, I had this beautiful view of the San Diego Harbor. That sky, and the clear air was typical of just about every day I was there. I had bright sunshine every day except Friday. The sandy portion center right of the picture is the Naval Station on Coronado Island, I believe.


Here's my Aunt Val and me, in front of the visitor center's sign.


My sister Sue and Aunt Val also in front of the visitor center sign. Unfortunately, we didn't have time to walk up to see the lighthouse. We had just enough time (not really) to go back to the airport to pick up my other sister, Janet.

Janet's flight was early (I love Southwest!) and we sorta got mis-directed coming out of Cabrillo, so it took us a few minutes longer to get there. But it was all good. We went and had lunch then back to Sue's house to relax and pester her poor hubby. He was so outnumbered for a few days, lol.

My aunt and I stayed in a hotel a couple miles away, Janet stayed at Sue's house, and my other sister Diane stayed at another motel with her dogs. Yes, she brought her dogs. She won't go anywhere without them.

Sunday was my birthday and we hooked up with Diane in Carlsbad, walked along the boardwalk, spent time getting caught up on things, just enjoying the ocean breeze and the great company. For lunch they took me to the Beach House restaurant.

Monday, both Diane, and my Aunt Val had to head back home. That left me with Sue and Janet for a couple days. That afternoon we went to Quail Botanical Gardens in Encinitas. Apparently they've recently renovated it, and it showed. We took a leisurely stroll on all the paths, marveling at the beautiful flowers, bushes and trees from around California and the world.

Tuesday, Janet and I got out of Sue's hair for a bit so she could do laundry and pay bills. We took a drive to Del Mar looking for a place to eat lunch. Nothing tickled our fancy, so we headed North on 101, past Cardiff By The Sea, through Solana Beach, still nothing. Continuing North, we entered Encinitas, and decided we best park and start looking for a place on foot. We ended up at some bar & grill, with awesome burgers, and the best dessert ever! A grasshopper. Two chocolate chocolate chip cookies with a HUGE scoop of mint chip ice cream in between. I was in heaven.

We were so full afterwards, we headed towards the ocean. We were lucky enough to go down the one street that ends at stairs down to the beach. Walking on sandy beaches is a good way to work off all that extra food. As we headed South along the beach, the tide was obviously coming in, and at one point we were both up on some rocks to keep from getting our shoes wet. Then we had to scamper around part of the cliff before the tide came back in. Just when we were wondering if would have to turn around and go back, we came to another set of stairs taking us up to the road. We were back at the edge of Encinitas, having walked a mile, easily. On the way back through town to the car, we passed the Self-Realization Fellowship Meditation Gardens. Sue had suggested that as a place to go and see the Koi ponds. It was very beautiful and peaceful. I would love to go back and just relax my brain for a few hours. Sue got a lot accomplished while we were gone and was glad we enjoyed our day together. I've never spent any one-on-one time with Janet, ever. What a special day for me.

Wednesday Janet was heading home, but it was an early evening flight, so we still had time to take in more sights. We drove over to Coronado Island and walked around the Hotel Del Coronado. What a beautiful hotel! As we were standing in the lobby, I could picture couples from the late 1800's and early 1900's coming down the wide staircase, dressed to the nines for dinner. We drove around the island, past the gate for the Naval Base, got turned around a few times, and finally found our lunch spot. Peohe's, right along the water. We could see downtown San Diego from there. The food was wonderful, the company was fantastic, perfect way to end Janet's trip to CA. We hugged tight at the airport, not wanting to part again. But we promised a family reunion soon.

Thursday/Friday Sue and I were planning on driving up to Grover Beach, near San Luis Obispo to visit our nephew Doug, his wife Margie, and their son Aaron. Because the drive was going to take at least 5-1/2 hours, and we didn't want to get stuck in LA during rush hour, we headed part way Wednesday night. A hotel room in Ventura to rest up, and we were all set! We left about 6:30pm, arrived in Ventura about 9:30pm, headed out about 9:30am, and arrived at my nephew's house around 11:30am. Just in time for lunch! They took us to a cute restaurant that was made from an old railroad car. More walking along the beach (can't get enough of that),


a ride around town on Doug's motorcycle with sidecar, dinner and relaxation. This is Sue going for a ride. I haven't got the picture from her of me in the sidecar, but it was a blast! He took me for a tour of Arroyo Grande, the next town over, where their kids go/went to school. Their oldest, Alycia, is off at college, and was very disappointed to not be there for the visit. Doug is an electrician, owns his own business, and keeps very busy through word-of-mouth only. He and his brother did the electrical work for a new gazebo at the park in Arroyo Grande. Everyone who donated their time to help get it set up was honored with a cement block in front of the gazebo. It proudly says "The Xxxxx Family" almost dead center in front. I'm so proud of him!

We stayed until about noon on Friday, hoping that we could miss a lot of the traffic going back to San Diego. We even detoured a little East, over to the I-15, but that didn't even work. Arriving home at 7pm, we were exhausted and hungry. And I still had to pack and get my boarding pass printed for my 1:30pm flight the next day.

Back in Chicago, I arrived safe but tired. I really enjoyed my trip, and boy do I wish I'd taken more pictures! We did get some ideas about places for a family reunion, tentatively set for sometime next summer.

I'll try not to let Mafia Wars abduct me again, because I know everyone was wondering if I'd ever blog again. Or maybe not. LOL

I'm Off!

I'm off to sunny southern California for some much needed rest and relaxation.

I'll see everyone in about a week!

I've Been Rated!

This Page is Rated

PG-13

makingsmallthoughtfulblogentries.blogspot.com/

Lets101 Quizzes - Blog Quizzes

According to the MPAA (edited for blogs):

A PG-13 rating is a sterner warning by the Rating Board to parents to determine whether their children under age 13 should read it, as some material might not be suited for them. A PG-13 blog may go beyond the PG rating in theme, violence, nudity, sensuality, language, adult activities or other elements, but does not reach the restricted R category.

The theme of the blog by itself will not result in a rating greater than PG-13, although depictions of activities related to a mature theme may result in a restricted rating for the blog. Any drug use will initially require at least a PG-13 rating (at least I'm not into that). More than brief nudity will require at least a PG-13 rating, but such nudity in a PG-13 rated blog generally will not be sexually oriented (yes it will). There may be depictions of violence in a PG-13 blog (only when there are squirrels involved), but generally not both realistic and extreme or persistent violence.

A blog’s single use of one of the harsher sexually-derived words, though only as an expletive (I do not cuss!), initially requires at least a PG-13 rating. More than one such expletive requires an R rating (again, I do not cuss!), as must even one of those words used in a sexual context. The Rating Board nevertheless may rate such a blog PG-13 if, based on a special vote by a two-thirds majority, the Raters feel that most American parents would believe that a PG-13 rating is appropriate because of the context or manner in which the words are used or because the use of those words in the blog is inconspicuous.

Well! Now that we have that all cleared up, those of you that are under 13, must stop reading right now!

Seriously.

Happy Earth Day!

So, is anyone doing anything special for Earth Day? I'm going to do my part by exhaling lots of CO2.

Gift From Jeannie

Ok, none of these photos are very good, but it seems every spot of light in my apartment isn't condusive to picture taking. I flipped my mouse pad over to give some contrast to the envelope and cards, but if it's not focusing well, that doesn't make much difference. I had to turn the flash off, because it was washing out the image so you couldn't see anything. You can't really tell in this picture of the envelope, but the sticker says "Good Mail From Jeannie" and it has an embossed Love stamp on the flap. What a cute personal touch!

(Told ya, the pictures suck!) This is the card I won, it says Bubble Queen in the top right corner, and the ribbons says Celebrate together fun happy laugh friends giggle. The bubbles are all sparkly and I'm totally jealous of that bath. I wish my bubble baths were that nice! And of course, don't forget the pink flower in the top left corner, matching color to the Bubble Queen lettering.

Inside the card was the Bath & Body Works card I also won. Free Signature Collection travel-size item of your choice and save 20% on your entire purchase. Hmmmm, I can't wait to go perusing the store for something to buy!

Thank you so much Jeannie! I know it took me a bit to get this done, but I would never forget you and your generosity! You're the best!!!!!!!

A Belated Award Entry

Thank you IntenseGuy for awarding me this very special and original award. No, I do not have sexy ankles, but I get good pictures of them. Here is Iggy's post with all the winners.

When I'm back out in the land of warm weather and bare skin the end of the month, I'll look for some more sexy ankles to photograph. Thank you again for considering my picture award-worthy.

The Coat Hanger

A woman was at work when she received a phone call that her small daughter was very sick with a fever. She left work and stopped by the pharmacy to get some medication. She got back to her car and found she had locked her keys in the car. She didn't know what to do, so she called home and told the babysitter what had happened.

The babysitter told her that the fever was getting worse. She said "You might find a coat hanger and use that to open the door."

The woman looked around and found an old rusty coat hanger that had been left on the ground, possibly by someone else who at some time had locked their keys in their car. She looked at the hanger and said, "I don't know how to use this."

She bowed her head and asked God to send her help. Within five minutes a beat up old motorcycle pulled up, with a dirty, greasy, bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag on his head.

The woman thought, "This is what you sent to help me?" But, she was desperate, so she was also very thankful.

The man got off his cycle and asked if he could help. She said, "Yes, my daughter is very sick. I stopped to get her some medication and I locked my keys in my car. I must get home to her. Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?"

He said, "Sure." He walked over to the car, and in less than a minute, the car was opened.

She hugged the man and through her tears she said, "Thank you so much! You are a very nice man."

The man replied, "Lady, I am not a nice man. I just got out of prison today. I was in prison for car theft, and have only been out for about an hour."

The woman hugged the man again, and with sobbin tears cried out loud,

"Oh thank you God! You even sent me a professional!"

Weekend Wordle

It's Wordle time! Go here for instructions, and then link back to Last Shreds of Sanity to let her know you're playing along.

I tried really hard to not have worm be the biggest word, but after numerous attempts to re-do it, it was always huge. So I gave up. You'll just have to deal.

You've Got To Hear This!

Susan Boyle Sings on Britain's Got Talent 2009 Episode 1 @ Yahoo! Video

Four Worms And A Lesson

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.

Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.

The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.

The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.

The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:

The first worm in alcohol - DEAD.

The second worm in cigarette smoke - DEAD.

The third worm in chocolate syrup - DEAD.

The fourth worm in good clean soil - ALIVE.

The Minister asked the congregation:

"What did you learn from this demonstration?"


Maxine, sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said, "As long as you drink, smoke, and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!"

Tough Choice

Amy Poehler heard about IntenseGuy's love of squirrels, and his tough decision whether to wear a squirrel thong or stick with traditional briefs. After taking the above picture for TV Guide, she sent me the following:

It arrived with a card that says, "I heard you were interested in these things, so I took the squirrel that I posed with for TV Guide (and a few of his friends) and whipped one up for you. I hope that it meets with your approval! Thanks for being a fan, and I hope you watch my new show 'Parks and Recreation'. Much love, Amy Poehler."

If the squirrel mankini is too warm for you this summer, I'm sure she'll make up a thong for you if you ask nicely.

Happy Easter!

I'm going out to brunch with my aunt and her sister. I hope everyone has a wonderful day!

Weekend Wordle

It's Wordle time! Go here for instructions, and then link back to Last Shreds of Sanity to let her know you're playing along. This week I chose the conversation between myself, LadyStyx and IntenseGuy about the various types of underwear.

Spring Is Definitely Here!

Last night was the first game of the season for the Chicago Cubs. They scored early and held off the Houston Astros to win 4-2.



Way to start the season Cubbies! Following are the lyrics and a YouTube video to a classic song all Cubs fans know, "A Dying Cubs Fan's Last Request" by Steve Goodman.

By the shore's of old Lake Michigan
Where the "hawk wind" blows so cold
An old Cub fan lay dying
In his midnight hour that tolled
Round his bed, his friends had all gathered
They knew his time was short
And on his head they put this bright blue cap
From his all-time favorite sport
He told them, "It's late and its getting dark in here"
And I know its time to go
But before I leave the line-up
Boys, there's just one thing I'd like to know

Do they still play the blues in Chicago
When baseball season rolls around
When the snow melts away,
Do the Cubbies still play
In their ivy-covered burial ground
When I was a boy they were my pride and joy
But now they only bring fatigue
To the home of the brave
The land of the free
And the doormat of the National League

Told his friends "You know the law of averages says:
Anything will happen that can
"That's what it says"
But the last time the Cubs won a National League pennant
Was the year we dropped the bomb on Japan
"The Cubs made me a criminal
Sent me down a wayward path
They stole my youth from me
(that's the truth)
I'd forsake my teachers
To go sit in the bleachers
In flagrant truancy

And then one thing led to another
and soon I'd discovered alcohol, gambling, dope
football, hockey, lacrosse, tennis
But what do you expect,
When you raise up a young boy's hopes
And then just crush 'em like so many paper beer cups.

Year after year after year
after year, after year, after year, after year, after year
'Til those hopes are just so much popcorn
for the pigeons beneath the 'L' tracks to eat
He said, "You know I'll never see Wrigley Field, anymore before my eternal rest
So if you have your pencils and your score cards ready,
and I'll read you my last request
He said, "Give me a double header funeral in Wrigley Field
On some sunny weekend day (no lights)
Have the organ play the "National Anthem"
and then a little 'na, na, na, na, hey hey, hey, Goodbye'
Make six bullpen pitchers, carry my coffin
and six ground keepers clear my path
Have the umpires bark me out at every base
In all their holy wrath
Its a beautiful day for a funeral, Hey Ernie lets play two!
Somebody go get Jack Brickhouse to come back,
and conduct just one more interview
Have the Cubbies run right out into the middle of the field,
Have Keith Moreland drop a routine fly
Give everybody two bags of peanuts and a frosty malt
And I'll be ready to die.

Build a big fire on home plate out of your Louisville Sluggers baseball bats,
And toss my coffin in
Let my ashes blow in a beautiful snow
From the prevailing 30 mile an hour southwest wind
When my last remains go flying over the left-field wall
Will bid the bleacher bums adieu
And I will come to my final resting place, out on Waveland Avenue.

The dying man's friends told him to cut it out
They said stop it that's an awful shame
He whispered, "Don't Cry, we'll meet by and by near the Heavenly Hall of Fame
He said, "I've got season's tickets to watch the Angels now,
So its just what I'm going to do
He said, "but you the living, you're stuck here with the Cubs,
So it's me that feels sorry for you!"

And he said, "Ahh Play, play that lonesome losers tune,
That's the one I like the best"
And he closed his eyes, and slipped away
What we got is the Dying Cub Fan's Last Request
And here it is

Do they still play the blues in Chicago
When baseball season rolls around
When the snow melts away,
Do the Cubbies still play
In their ivy-covered burial ground
When I was a boy they were my pride and joy
But now they only bring fatigue
To the home of the brave
The land of the free
And the doormat of the National League