Catching Up

I was taking a picture of something for Iggy, and remembered I had all these pictures still on my camera. I don't remember exactly when I went for this walk. I know it was late summer, before the leaves started changing, and during one of our wet periods. It was a Saturday afternoon, the weather was beautiful, so I drove to the Morton Arboretum and took a nice relaxing walk in the forest.

One part of the section I was in was a Spruce Forest, it was so peaceful, there was no noise, no cars, no people, just me and the trees.

Here's a rock bench to sit and relax during the walk. There were a few inclines, not too steep, but I just took my time enjoying being outside in the fresh air.

What's a walk without seeing OCHA's? They were guarding the crosswalk to make sure the hikers didn't get hit by stray cars.

Back by where I parked my car, there was this suspicious alien looking thing guarding the port-o-pottie. I dared not get too close, not knowing exactly what it might do to me. I'll have to check with Iggy, but I think it might be a very rare sighting of an OSHGA (Orange Square-Headed Garbage Alien).

Because of all the rain, there was lots of fungus growing everywhere. These are some of the more interesting ones. And no, I didn't eat any of them!

This was part of the first section I walked through, regular deciduous forest. I heard lots of birds and Charlies scampering about. I'm sure they were happy for the break in the rain, too.

Before I exited the forest, I wanted to take this picture of the canopy. As you can see, not much light was coming through, which kept the path from getting too hot in the sun. I was wearing long sleeves, which helped fight off the mosquitos, but I was still too warm.

R.I.P.

Patrick Swayze

b. August 18, 1952 - d. September 14, 2009

Dirty Dancing will always be one of my favorite movies ever!

Little John the Baptist

"Whoever then humbles himself as this child, he is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoever receives one such child in My name receives Me."
Matt. 18:4-5


Johnny's mother looked out the window and notice him "playing church" with their cat.
He had the cat sitting quietly and he was preaching to it.
She smiled and went about her work.
A while later, she heard loud meowing and hissing and ran back to the open window to see Johnny baptizing the cat in a tub of water.
She called out, "Johnny, stop that! The cat is afraid of water!"
Johnny looked up at her and said, "He should have thought of that before he joined my church."

Zero to 200 in Six Seconds

Bob was in trouble.

He forgot his wedding anniversary.

His wife was really mad!

She told him, "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from zero to 200 in six seconds. AND IT BETTER BE THERE!"

The next morning, he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough, there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway. She brought the box back in to the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

Reasons the English language is so hard to learn

We've all probably seen this one passed around via email, but I still think it's fascinating to see all the variations and stupid rules we have in the English language.

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.

19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?


Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?

One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend. If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why don't preachers praught?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.



PS: Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick?"

Written by a Pastor's Wife

And it came to pass in the Age of Insanity that the people of the land called America, having lost their morals, their initiative, and their will to defend their liberties, chose as their Supreme Leader that person known as "The One". He emerged from the vapors with a message that had no meaning; but He hypnotized the people telling them, "I am sent to save you. My lack of experience, my questionable ethics, my monstrous ego, and my association with evildoers are of no consequence. For I shall save you with Hope and Change. Go, therefore, and proclaim throughout the land that he who preceded me is evil, that he has defiled the nation, and that all he has built must be destroyed." And the people rejoiced, for even though they knew not what "The One" would do, he had promised that it was good; and they believed. And "The One" said "We live in the greatest country in the world. Help me change everything about it!" And the people said, "Hallelujah!! Change is good!"

Then He said, "We are going to tax the rich fat-cats." And the people said "Sock it to them!" "And redistribute their wealth." And the people said, "Show us the money!"

And then He said, "Redistribution of wealth is good for everybody" And Joe the plumber asked, "Are you kidding me? You're going to steal my money and give it to the deadbeats??" And "The One" ridiculed and taunted him, and Joe's personal records were hacked and publicized. One lone reporter asked, "Isn't that Marxist policy?" And she was banished from the kingdom!

Then a citizen asked, "With no foreign relations experience and having zero military experience or knowledge, how will you deal with radical terrorists?" And "The One" said, "Simple. I shall sit with them and talk with them and show them how nice we really are; and they will forget that they ever wanted to kill us all!" And the people said, "Hallelujah!! We are safe at last, and we can beat our weapons into free cars for the people!"

Then "The One" said, "I shall give 95% of you lower taxes." And one, lone voice said, "But 40% of us don't pay ANY taxes." So "The One" said, "Then I shall give you some of the taxes the fat-cats pay!" And the people said, "Hallelujah!! Show us the money!"

Then "The One" said, "I shall tax your Capital Gains when you sell your homes!" And the people yawned and the slumping housing market collapsed.

And He said, "I shall mandate employer-funded health care for EVERY worker and raise the minimum wage. And I shall give every person unlimited healthcare and medicine and transportation to the clinics." And the people said, "Give me some of that!"

Then he said, "I shall penalize employers who ship jobs overseas." And the people said, "Where's my rebate check?"

Then "The One" said, "I shall bankrupt the coal industry and electricity rates will skyrocket!" And the people said, "Coal is dirty, coal is evil, no more coal! But we don't care for that part about higher electric rates." So "The One" said, "Not to worry. If your rebate isn't enough to cover your expenses, we shall bail you out. Just sign up with ACORN and your troubles are over!"

Then He said, "Illegal immigrants feel scorned and slighted. Let's grant them amnesty, Social Security, free education, free lunches, free medical care, bi-lingual signs and guaranteed housing..." And the people said, "Hallelujah!!" And they made him King!

And so it came to pass that employers, facing spiraling costs and ever-higher taxes, raised their prices and laid off workers. Others simply gave up and went out of business and the economy sank like unto a rock dropped from a cliff. The banking industry was destroyed. Manufacturing slowed to a crawl. And more of the people were without a means of support.

Then "The One" said, "I am the "The One" - The Messiah - and I'm here to save you! We shall just print more money so everyone will have enough!" But our foreign trading partners said unto Him, "Wait a minute. Your dollar is not worth a pile of camel dung! You will have to pay more..." And the people said, "Wait a minute. That is unfair!!" And the world said, "Neither are these other idiotic programs you have embraced. Lo, you have become a Socialist state and a second-rate power. Now you shall play by our rules!"

And the people cried out, "Alas, alas!! What have we done?" But yea verily, it was too late. The people set upon "The One" and spat upon him and stoned him, and his name was dung. And the once mighty nation was no more; and the once proud people were without sustenance or shelter or hope. And the Change "The One" had given them was as like unto a poison that had destroyed them and like a whirlwind that consumed all that they had built. And the people beat their chests in despair and cried out in anguish, "Give us back our nation and our pride and our hope!!" But it was too late, and their homeland was no more.

You may think this is a fairy tale, but it's not. It's happening RIGHT NOW !!!

Uncle Jay Explains

Still Aching

My back is still bothering me. I'm almost done with the pain pills, still have a few more days of the muscle relaxers, but the pain is down to a constant dull ache. It's still uncomfortable to sit in a chair for more than 10 minutes or so, but I'm doing it as often as I can.

Thank you for all your good thoughts and well-wishes. I'll keep you updated on my progress.

Back Update

I went to the doctor today. She gave me more muscle relaxers and a prescription for pain pills (analgesic + acetominophen). She also suggested I got to physical therapy for 12 sessions to start strengthening my back muscles.

Back to the couch I go.

I'm A Dork

I strained my back again yesterday. The only comfortable place is lying on the couch. Not sure if I'm going to work tomorrow. I started taking some Ibuprofen last night, so far it doesn't seem to be helping. I may have to call the doctor if it's not any better tomorrow. As soon as I can sit at the computer for more than five minutes at a time, I'll be back.

No Fainting or Passing Out Is Allowed!

*Sets down a bunch of pillows to cushion everyone's landing*

No, I'm not just getting back from California. I've been back, but I was held hostage became addicted to a game on Facebook. Mafia Wars has had my attention ever since I got home, and I have been sitting at the computer for hours, literally until my butt hurts, waiting for more energy to do jobs, looking for people who need help with jobs to earn me mega bucks. Can you say sleep-deprived???

I finally started seriously working to get caught up on the blogs, and finally accomplished that this morning about 12:30am. Pitiful, I know.

I have SO many pictures from my trip. NOT! Seriously, I took my camera, I took LOTS of batteries, and every single day I would forget my camera. I only had it out on the FIRST day of my vacation. Extremely pitiful. I admit it.


This was at Cabrillo National Monument, while we were waiting for my sister's flight to arrive. There are tidepools there, but it was high tide, so we just stood and watched the surf come in on the rocks. Still a pretty sight!


Up by the visitors Center, where the monument actually is, I had this beautiful view of the San Diego Harbor. That sky, and the clear air was typical of just about every day I was there. I had bright sunshine every day except Friday. The sandy portion center right of the picture is the Naval Station on Coronado Island, I believe.


Here's my Aunt Val and me, in front of the visitor center's sign.


My sister Sue and Aunt Val also in front of the visitor center sign. Unfortunately, we didn't have time to walk up to see the lighthouse. We had just enough time (not really) to go back to the airport to pick up my other sister, Janet.

Janet's flight was early (I love Southwest!) and we sorta got mis-directed coming out of Cabrillo, so it took us a few minutes longer to get there. But it was all good. We went and had lunch then back to Sue's house to relax and pester her poor hubby. He was so outnumbered for a few days, lol.

My aunt and I stayed in a hotel a couple miles away, Janet stayed at Sue's house, and my other sister Diane stayed at another motel with her dogs. Yes, she brought her dogs. She won't go anywhere without them.

Sunday was my birthday and we hooked up with Diane in Carlsbad, walked along the boardwalk, spent time getting caught up on things, just enjoying the ocean breeze and the great company. For lunch they took me to the Beach House restaurant.

Monday, both Diane, and my Aunt Val had to head back home. That left me with Sue and Janet for a couple days. That afternoon we went to Quail Botanical Gardens in Encinitas. Apparently they've recently renovated it, and it showed. We took a leisurely stroll on all the paths, marveling at the beautiful flowers, bushes and trees from around California and the world.

Tuesday, Janet and I got out of Sue's hair for a bit so she could do laundry and pay bills. We took a drive to Del Mar looking for a place to eat lunch. Nothing tickled our fancy, so we headed North on 101, past Cardiff By The Sea, through Solana Beach, still nothing. Continuing North, we entered Encinitas, and decided we best park and start looking for a place on foot. We ended up at some bar & grill, with awesome burgers, and the best dessert ever! A grasshopper. Two chocolate chocolate chip cookies with a HUGE scoop of mint chip ice cream in between. I was in heaven.

We were so full afterwards, we headed towards the ocean. We were lucky enough to go down the one street that ends at stairs down to the beach. Walking on sandy beaches is a good way to work off all that extra food. As we headed South along the beach, the tide was obviously coming in, and at one point we were both up on some rocks to keep from getting our shoes wet. Then we had to scamper around part of the cliff before the tide came back in. Just when we were wondering if would have to turn around and go back, we came to another set of stairs taking us up to the road. We were back at the edge of Encinitas, having walked a mile, easily. On the way back through town to the car, we passed the Self-Realization Fellowship Meditation Gardens. Sue had suggested that as a place to go and see the Koi ponds. It was very beautiful and peaceful. I would love to go back and just relax my brain for a few hours. Sue got a lot accomplished while we were gone and was glad we enjoyed our day together. I've never spent any one-on-one time with Janet, ever. What a special day for me.

Wednesday Janet was heading home, but it was an early evening flight, so we still had time to take in more sights. We drove over to Coronado Island and walked around the Hotel Del Coronado. What a beautiful hotel! As we were standing in the lobby, I could picture couples from the late 1800's and early 1900's coming down the wide staircase, dressed to the nines for dinner. We drove around the island, past the gate for the Naval Base, got turned around a few times, and finally found our lunch spot. Peohe's, right along the water. We could see downtown San Diego from there. The food was wonderful, the company was fantastic, perfect way to end Janet's trip to CA. We hugged tight at the airport, not wanting to part again. But we promised a family reunion soon.

Thursday/Friday Sue and I were planning on driving up to Grover Beach, near San Luis Obispo to visit our nephew Doug, his wife Margie, and their son Aaron. Because the drive was going to take at least 5-1/2 hours, and we didn't want to get stuck in LA during rush hour, we headed part way Wednesday night. A hotel room in Ventura to rest up, and we were all set! We left about 6:30pm, arrived in Ventura about 9:30pm, headed out about 9:30am, and arrived at my nephew's house around 11:30am. Just in time for lunch! They took us to a cute restaurant that was made from an old railroad car. More walking along the beach (can't get enough of that),


a ride around town on Doug's motorcycle with sidecar, dinner and relaxation. This is Sue going for a ride. I haven't got the picture from her of me in the sidecar, but it was a blast! He took me for a tour of Arroyo Grande, the next town over, where their kids go/went to school. Their oldest, Alycia, is off at college, and was very disappointed to not be there for the visit. Doug is an electrician, owns his own business, and keeps very busy through word-of-mouth only. He and his brother did the electrical work for a new gazebo at the park in Arroyo Grande. Everyone who donated their time to help get it set up was honored with a cement block in front of the gazebo. It proudly says "The Xxxxx Family" almost dead center in front. I'm so proud of him!

We stayed until about noon on Friday, hoping that we could miss a lot of the traffic going back to San Diego. We even detoured a little East, over to the I-15, but that didn't even work. Arriving home at 7pm, we were exhausted and hungry. And I still had to pack and get my boarding pass printed for my 1:30pm flight the next day.

Back in Chicago, I arrived safe but tired. I really enjoyed my trip, and boy do I wish I'd taken more pictures! We did get some ideas about places for a family reunion, tentatively set for sometime next summer.

I'll try not to let Mafia Wars abduct me again, because I know everyone was wondering if I'd ever blog again. Or maybe not. LOL

I'm Off!

I'm off to sunny southern California for some much needed rest and relaxation.

I'll see everyone in about a week!

I've Been Rated!

This Page is Rated

PG-13

makingsmallthoughtfulblogentries.blogspot.com/

Lets101 Quizzes - Blog Quizzes

According to the MPAA (edited for blogs):

A PG-13 rating is a sterner warning by the Rating Board to parents to determine whether their children under age 13 should read it, as some material might not be suited for them. A PG-13 blog may go beyond the PG rating in theme, violence, nudity, sensuality, language, adult activities or other elements, but does not reach the restricted R category.

The theme of the blog by itself will not result in a rating greater than PG-13, although depictions of activities related to a mature theme may result in a restricted rating for the blog. Any drug use will initially require at least a PG-13 rating (at least I'm not into that). More than brief nudity will require at least a PG-13 rating, but such nudity in a PG-13 rated blog generally will not be sexually oriented (yes it will). There may be depictions of violence in a PG-13 blog (only when there are squirrels involved), but generally not both realistic and extreme or persistent violence.

A blog’s single use of one of the harsher sexually-derived words, though only as an expletive (I do not cuss!), initially requires at least a PG-13 rating. More than one such expletive requires an R rating (again, I do not cuss!), as must even one of those words used in a sexual context. The Rating Board nevertheless may rate such a blog PG-13 if, based on a special vote by a two-thirds majority, the Raters feel that most American parents would believe that a PG-13 rating is appropriate because of the context or manner in which the words are used or because the use of those words in the blog is inconspicuous.

Well! Now that we have that all cleared up, those of you that are under 13, must stop reading right now!

Seriously.

Happy Earth Day!

So, is anyone doing anything special for Earth Day? I'm going to do my part by exhaling lots of CO2.

Gift From Jeannie

Ok, none of these photos are very good, but it seems every spot of light in my apartment isn't condusive to picture taking. I flipped my mouse pad over to give some contrast to the envelope and cards, but if it's not focusing well, that doesn't make much difference. I had to turn the flash off, because it was washing out the image so you couldn't see anything. You can't really tell in this picture of the envelope, but the sticker says "Good Mail From Jeannie" and it has an embossed Love stamp on the flap. What a cute personal touch!

(Told ya, the pictures suck!) This is the card I won, it says Bubble Queen in the top right corner, and the ribbons says Celebrate together fun happy laugh friends giggle. The bubbles are all sparkly and I'm totally jealous of that bath. I wish my bubble baths were that nice! And of course, don't forget the pink flower in the top left corner, matching color to the Bubble Queen lettering.

Inside the card was the Bath & Body Works card I also won. Free Signature Collection travel-size item of your choice and save 20% on your entire purchase. Hmmmm, I can't wait to go perusing the store for something to buy!

Thank you so much Jeannie! I know it took me a bit to get this done, but I would never forget you and your generosity! You're the best!!!!!!!

A Belated Award Entry

Thank you IntenseGuy for awarding me this very special and original award. No, I do not have sexy ankles, but I get good pictures of them. Here is Iggy's post with all the winners.

When I'm back out in the land of warm weather and bare skin the end of the month, I'll look for some more sexy ankles to photograph. Thank you again for considering my picture award-worthy.

The Coat Hanger

A woman was at work when she received a phone call that her small daughter was very sick with a fever. She left work and stopped by the pharmacy to get some medication. She got back to her car and found she had locked her keys in the car. She didn't know what to do, so she called home and told the babysitter what had happened.

The babysitter told her that the fever was getting worse. She said "You might find a coat hanger and use that to open the door."

The woman looked around and found an old rusty coat hanger that had been left on the ground, possibly by someone else who at some time had locked their keys in their car. She looked at the hanger and said, "I don't know how to use this."

She bowed her head and asked God to send her help. Within five minutes a beat up old motorcycle pulled up, with a dirty, greasy, bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag on his head.

The woman thought, "This is what you sent to help me?" But, she was desperate, so she was also very thankful.

The man got off his cycle and asked if he could help. She said, "Yes, my daughter is very sick. I stopped to get her some medication and I locked my keys in my car. I must get home to her. Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?"

He said, "Sure." He walked over to the car, and in less than a minute, the car was opened.

She hugged the man and through her tears she said, "Thank you so much! You are a very nice man."

The man replied, "Lady, I am not a nice man. I just got out of prison today. I was in prison for car theft, and have only been out for about an hour."

The woman hugged the man again, and with sobbin tears cried out loud,

"Oh thank you God! You even sent me a professional!"

Weekend Wordle

It's Wordle time! Go here for instructions, and then link back to Last Shreds of Sanity to let her know you're playing along.

I tried really hard to not have worm be the biggest word, but after numerous attempts to re-do it, it was always huge. So I gave up. You'll just have to deal.

You've Got To Hear This!

Susan Boyle Sings on Britain's Got Talent 2009 Episode 1 @ Yahoo! Video

Four Worms And A Lesson

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.

Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.

The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.

The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.

The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:

The first worm in alcohol - DEAD.

The second worm in cigarette smoke - DEAD.

The third worm in chocolate syrup - DEAD.

The fourth worm in good clean soil - ALIVE.

The Minister asked the congregation:

"What did you learn from this demonstration?"


Maxine, sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said, "As long as you drink, smoke, and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!"

Tough Choice

Amy Poehler heard about IntenseGuy's love of squirrels, and his tough decision whether to wear a squirrel thong or stick with traditional briefs. After taking the above picture for TV Guide, she sent me the following:

It arrived with a card that says, "I heard you were interested in these things, so I took the squirrel that I posed with for TV Guide (and a few of his friends) and whipped one up for you. I hope that it meets with your approval! Thanks for being a fan, and I hope you watch my new show 'Parks and Recreation'. Much love, Amy Poehler."

If the squirrel mankini is too warm for you this summer, I'm sure she'll make up a thong for you if you ask nicely.

Happy Easter!

I'm going out to brunch with my aunt and her sister. I hope everyone has a wonderful day!

Weekend Wordle

It's Wordle time! Go here for instructions, and then link back to Last Shreds of Sanity to let her know you're playing along. This week I chose the conversation between myself, LadyStyx and IntenseGuy about the various types of underwear.

Spring Is Definitely Here!

Last night was the first game of the season for the Chicago Cubs. They scored early and held off the Houston Astros to win 4-2.



Way to start the season Cubbies! Following are the lyrics and a YouTube video to a classic song all Cubs fans know, "A Dying Cubs Fan's Last Request" by Steve Goodman.

By the shore's of old Lake Michigan
Where the "hawk wind" blows so cold
An old Cub fan lay dying
In his midnight hour that tolled
Round his bed, his friends had all gathered
They knew his time was short
And on his head they put this bright blue cap
From his all-time favorite sport
He told them, "It's late and its getting dark in here"
And I know its time to go
But before I leave the line-up
Boys, there's just one thing I'd like to know

Do they still play the blues in Chicago
When baseball season rolls around
When the snow melts away,
Do the Cubbies still play
In their ivy-covered burial ground
When I was a boy they were my pride and joy
But now they only bring fatigue
To the home of the brave
The land of the free
And the doormat of the National League

Told his friends "You know the law of averages says:
Anything will happen that can
"That's what it says"
But the last time the Cubs won a National League pennant
Was the year we dropped the bomb on Japan
"The Cubs made me a criminal
Sent me down a wayward path
They stole my youth from me
(that's the truth)
I'd forsake my teachers
To go sit in the bleachers
In flagrant truancy

And then one thing led to another
and soon I'd discovered alcohol, gambling, dope
football, hockey, lacrosse, tennis
But what do you expect,
When you raise up a young boy's hopes
And then just crush 'em like so many paper beer cups.

Year after year after year
after year, after year, after year, after year, after year
'Til those hopes are just so much popcorn
for the pigeons beneath the 'L' tracks to eat
He said, "You know I'll never see Wrigley Field, anymore before my eternal rest
So if you have your pencils and your score cards ready,
and I'll read you my last request
He said, "Give me a double header funeral in Wrigley Field
On some sunny weekend day (no lights)
Have the organ play the "National Anthem"
and then a little 'na, na, na, na, hey hey, hey, Goodbye'
Make six bullpen pitchers, carry my coffin
and six ground keepers clear my path
Have the umpires bark me out at every base
In all their holy wrath
Its a beautiful day for a funeral, Hey Ernie lets play two!
Somebody go get Jack Brickhouse to come back,
and conduct just one more interview
Have the Cubbies run right out into the middle of the field,
Have Keith Moreland drop a routine fly
Give everybody two bags of peanuts and a frosty malt
And I'll be ready to die.

Build a big fire on home plate out of your Louisville Sluggers baseball bats,
And toss my coffin in
Let my ashes blow in a beautiful snow
From the prevailing 30 mile an hour southwest wind
When my last remains go flying over the left-field wall
Will bid the bleacher bums adieu
And I will come to my final resting place, out on Waveland Avenue.

The dying man's friends told him to cut it out
They said stop it that's an awful shame
He whispered, "Don't Cry, we'll meet by and by near the Heavenly Hall of Fame
He said, "I've got season's tickets to watch the Angels now,
So its just what I'm going to do
He said, "but you the living, you're stuck here with the Cubs,
So it's me that feels sorry for you!"

And he said, "Ahh Play, play that lonesome losers tune,
That's the one I like the best"
And he closed his eyes, and slipped away
What we got is the Dying Cub Fan's Last Request
And here it is

Do they still play the blues in Chicago
When baseball season rolls around
When the snow melts away,
Do the Cubbies still play
In their ivy-covered burial ground
When I was a boy they were my pride and joy
But now they only bring fatigue
To the home of the brave
The land of the free
And the doormat of the National League

Winter In Northern Illinois

We got snow this evening, about 2-3 inches from what I can tell. What happened to winter only lasting 6 more weeks? Where's Spring? I need Spring!!!!

It's winter in Northern Illinois

the gentle breezes blow,

70 miles per hour at 32 below!

Oh, how I love Illinois

when the snow's up to your butt;

You take a breath of winter air

and your nose is frozen shut.

Yes, the weather here is wonderful,

I guess I'll hang around.

I could never leave Illinois

because I'm frozen to the ground.

Weekend Wordles

It's Wordle time! Go here for instructions, and then link back to Last Shreds of Sanity to let her know you're playing along. This week I chose the text about the wine advertisement I posted this week.

His Fault? Or Is It Her Fault?

Following is a page from today's Meijer ad. I just couldn't resist showing you the wine they are pimping this week.


His Fault White or Her Fault Red. I'm assuming the women would drink the white, because it's always his fault. That would leave the red to the men, who falsely believe it's her fault, even though it's never her fault. I would go and buy a bottle, but I currently have WAY too many bottles of wine already. Anyone want to come over and help me drink it?

Speaking of wine...

I was walking down the street when I was stopped by a particularly dirty and shabby looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple dollars for dinner.

I took out my wallet, got out $10.00 and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless woman told me.

"Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?" I asked.

"No, I don't waste time shopping," the homeless woman said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on beauty salon instead of food?" I asked.

"Are you NUTS?!?" replied the homeless woman. "I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!"

I said, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight."

The homeless woman was shocked. "Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

I said, "That's ok. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine."

For Your Reading Pleasure

Everyone now knows IntenseGuy's fascination with underwear, and the fact that he jokes about only owning one pair, right?

I think it's more than a fascination, and several of us never miss an opportunity to joke with him about various types of underwear he could choose to own.

Saturday evening, Iggy made the mistake of sending an email to myself and Ladystyx. The email was a link to an article in Yahoo about some new underwear, made by the Japanese, that's being tested in space. Iggy sent us the link and refrained from commenting, so Ladystyx and I started emailing our own comments back and forth, with Iggy copied on all of them.

Lo and behold, he woke up the next morning to 26 new messages, most of them from us. With his and LadyStyx's permission, following is a replay of the conversation.

Iggy: Submitted for your reading pleasure...and without comment

LS: *HOWLZ in laffter!!!* But do they come in OCHA or squirrel print for you?

Me: Very good question, Styxie! This would also reduce the amount of time you're forced to stand in front of the washer and dryer nekkid waiting for your undies to get clean.

LS: On the other hand, if he stands in front of the dryer vent while he's waiting....during the winter it just might be the toastiest spot in the house! Of course, even with the stink-free undies (whether OCHA, squirrel or even Spiderman print)...he could always just stand there nekkid anyhow for old times' sake... .oO(you think he's sorry he showed us this yet? *laffs*)

Me: Heck no! He's not sorry, this is probably the best laugh he's had all day! Definitely better standing in the toastiest spot than in the coldest spot, that's for sure. Especially when wearing no undies. Spiderman print...now that's something I haven't seen on a grown man in, like, forever!

LS: Are you sure? LOL! (about the not sorry....not about the best laugh all day because we certainly KNOW it more than likely HAS been!)


Me: No, he's not sorry, because if nothing else, he gave us a fun conversation tonight, lol.

LS: Aint that the truth! AND he got a snazzy pair of new drawers to boot (see attached photo on last communication...)!!!

Me: Ummm, I didn't even notice you attached a picture with the last email. And now that I've looked at it, how do you know he wears boxer briefs?

LS: I dont...those were the first ones that came up in the search :-) For all I know, he could be all freaky and enjoy a thong.....

Me: Then there wouldn't be much needing to have a pattern.

LS: Shit....a single cone and some duct tape would just about do it then.....

Me: Squirrel "pattern" would just be a tail and some string?

LS: nah...the tail would be the waist band....their cheeks would be the pouch. Good thing about it is that one size would fit all (have you SEEN how many nuts those buggers can hold??)


Me: Ok, you completely took any ability for me to respond away. There's just nothing I can add to that. I won't even begin to think about how the Spiderman theme would work.

LS: Perfect underwear for athletes and men on the go.... whether he's swimming, biking or simply taking a walk around the block... these underwear are light and airy enough for ventillation (the boys gotta breathe too ya know), yet there's webbing strong enough for support.

Me: I would imagine they'd get a lot of use then, seeing as how there are a lot of long walks. In the heat of summer, the ventilation will be appreciated. And plenty of support as he chases for Charlie or OCHA pictures.

LS: Especially with as humid as it gets in the summer in most areas of the country. ;-)

Me: And for those days, when he wants to cool off with a quick dip in the river, it'll dry quickly too.

LS: heh heh heh

By now it was after midnight CDT, and I was heading off to bed. I can just imagine Iggy's reaction as he read our emails. In fact, we all get to see what his brain was coming up with, as we read his reply to our conversation.

Iggy: Oh my. I went to sofa early last night as I was still bothered by a lingering headache and this morning I find my e-mail inbox overflowing with 26 new messages! And most of them are from you two.

LMAO at all your comments about the "miracle" Japanese "no stink" fabric and at LadyStyx's marketing graphic. Oh I am green in envy and want a pair like that NOW!

Oh, and by the way, I've never thought much of owning a pair of OCHA patterned or Squirrel "bulging cheek" underwear but now, you know, I will think of little else! Imagine if my only pair of unnies were also lucky ones?!


There are several "burning" questions in my mind - which will I prefer, squirrels or ochas? boxers or briefs? especially if I can only afford one pair. Will the material come in permament press? How will I dispose of the pair I have now? Will I need to follwo some sort of Hazmat procedure? And finally, should I post a blog entry on this e-mail dialogue ala The Wife of Riley and her text messages?

I will have to think about how to replace standing in front of the warm dryer on cold wintry days. Life gives so few pleasure and this is one of them. Sometimes, when i feel decadent, I fold over a thick beach towel and place it on top of the dryer and (looks around to see if anyone is watching), sit on it! Ohhhhh, oooohhh, oooooooooooooooooooooooooh, baby! There is only one thing better and that is... yeah you know, Ooohhhhhhhhhhhhh....a nice hot cup of chocolate with marshmellows to sip while you sit there.

:) You two are quite a team. LMAO at all your e-mails! You've brightened my weekend beyond words. :)

Where Did This Come From?

I was sorting through some things I purchased last night at Target, and I found something in one of the bags that I did not purchase. Well, I did purchase it, but I have no idea how I purchased it or how it ended up in my bag.

Rimmel London Soft Kohl Kajal Eye Liner Pencil in Jungle Green.

I've already paid for it, but will never use it. If anyone's interested in it, I'll mail it to you. I'd hate to throw away perfectly good eye liner if it could be used.

Weekend Wordle

It's Wordle time! Go here for instructions, and then link back to Last Shreds of Sanity to let her know you're playing along. This week I chose my post about the trail signs in Wisconsin on my way back from Minnesota. And if you look closely, there might even be a word or two in there about Manatees.

Little Johnny and The Baby

Little Johnny's neighbor had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears.

When the mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnny's family was invited over to see the baby. Before they left their house, Johnny's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears.

His dad also told him that if he so much as mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the smacking of his life when they came back home. Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely.

When Johnny looked in the crib, he said, "What a beautiful baby."

The mother said, "Why, thank you Johnny."

Johnny said, "He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see all right?"

"Yes," the mother replied. "We are so thankful. The doctor said he will have 20/20 vision."

"That's great," said Johnny, " 'cause he'd be f*cked if he needed glasses."

Flasher!

The picture says it all!

Adam Lambert from American Idol

*3/27 Update: I've imbedded another copy of the video for those who haven't seen it yet.*

I just had to post this. From the beginning I have recognized that Adam is one of the most talented artists to appear on American Idol. He has not been one of my favorites, but tonight's performance sealed the deal. With the following performance, despite there still being 9 other contestants, has just sealed his victory on Season 8 of American Idol.

Gone To The Dogs!

One hot summer day, a blonde came to town with her dog, tied it under the shade of a tree, and headed into a restaurant for something cold to drink.

Twenty minutes later, a policeman entered the restaurant and asked, "Who owns the dog tied under that tree outside?"

The blonde said it was hers.

"Your dog seems to be in heat," the officer said.

The blonde replied, "No way. She's cool 'cause she's tied up under that shade tree."

The policeman said, "No! You don't understand. Your dog needs to be bred."

"No way," said the blonde. "My dog doesn't need bread. She isn't hungry 'cause I fed her this morning."

The exasperated policeman said, "NO! You don't understand. Your dog wants to have sex!"

The blonde looked at the cop and said, "Well, go ahead. I always wanted a police dog."

Oh My Aching Back!

Just a quick post to let everyone know that I haven't been around due to a strained muscle in my lower back. I was off work 2-1/2 days due to my throat, then another 2 days due to my back. It's doing better now, but it's still not real comfortable to sit at the computer for more than a few minutes at a time. I'm hoping things will continue to improve, despite the slow speed. Once I'm feeling better and can sit here comfortably, I'll be back posting.

The Good Samaritan And The Doctor

The Doctor: Tomorrow, I'm calling the doctor. I've had a sore throat since Thursday afternoon, it hurts to swallow, and it hasn't gotten any better. I've also had a low grade fever the last three nights by bedtime. I'm pretty sure it isn't tonsilitis, since my tonsils were removed the summer between kindergarten and first grade. One of them was supposedly growing back, so it is "possible" that it is infected. I really hope it's nothing serious.

The Good Samaritan: Today while driving on the interstate to my aunt's house, I witnessed a Jeep Cherokee spin out of control in front of me, going from the right lane, across to the left shoulder, facing opposite of traffic. It's been raining cats and dogs all weekend, and I was noticing some hydroplaning myself. I immediately pulled over to the shoulder opposite her and called 911. She appeared unhurt, just shook up. She was very fortunate there is a wire type fence along the grassy divider between the east and west bound lanes, otherwise she very well may have gone down into the divider and flipped. Once I was off the phone, in the pouring rain (with just my socks on.......I'm kidding Punkn!) I ran across the road to make sure she was ok and to let her know I had called for help. Her entire front bumper was off, but the airbag didn't deploy, and she was just freaked out by what happened. She thanked me for helping, and I went on my way.

Looky Looky What Came In The Mail!!!!

My good friend IntenseGuy got this book for me while he was in Florida. Before he left, he asked if there was anything he could get me while he was down there. Besides warm weather, I asked for a Manatee. I've always wanted to see them, and having one for a pet would be AWESOME! Ok, so it would have to be a baby. And it would probably only fit in my bathtub for about 2 weeks before I'd have to give it up. But at least I would have one for 2 weeks, right??? I know you'd all be jealous!


Following are a couple rest stop signs next to a closed trail that I really, really hoped would be open. I remember walking up this trail with my sister years ago on our way to MN. Instead I had to just get pictures of the two signs. And it was so cold, that my camera only let me take the two pictures, then it shut off. I was trying to get a picture of the trail itself. I trudged through three inches of snow, in my sneakers, to get these pictures.

For Tori, the signs say: Black River Valley - White pine trees were growing here when Columbus made his voyage to America. In 1819 the first attempts to saw lumber were unsuccessful, but in 1839 Jacob Spaulding founded Black River Falls by erecting the first permanent sawmill and settlement on the Black River. This valley contained the largest pine trees, some of them up to six feet across at ground level, and the most pine trees per township in the state. Before logging ended in 1905, more than fifty sawmills had been in operation in Jackson County. Accurate records kept over a period of forty years reveal that enough lumber was sawed to have built a plank road nine feet wide and four inches thick around the world. Iron Ore was smelted in Black River Falls in 1856 and again in 1886, but the old process proved too expensive and was abandoned. The Jackson County Iron Company, a subsidiary of Inland Steel, built a modern processing plant in 1969 that ship 2800 tons of taconite pellets every day of the year to it's blast furnaces in Indiana. The mine buildings and open pit mine are visible from the overlook on top of this scenic Bell Mound.

(Note, the blast furnaces in Indiana that are referenced are no longer Inland Steel. That company was bought by Mittal Steel, which then merged with Arcelor Steel, and became ArcelorMittal. And I believe they only have one blast furnace working these days.)

Black River Forest Fire: On the dry, windy afternoon of April 27, 1977 (hey, my birthday), a forest fire started south of Black River Falls. The fire quickly became a raging crown fire, traveling through the tops of the dense pine forest. This mound, directly in the path of the fire, was burned in just a few minutes time. In the 12 hours it took for the fire to run its course, 14 homes and 17,590 acres of forest land had burned, the village of Millston was spared because of a last minute wind shift. Most of this area has since been reclaimed naturally by oak and aspen which sprout vigorously after a fire. A small portion of the area was planted with pine, a more valuable tree species. This area has become prime wildlife habitat supporting tremendous deer and small game populations. In 50 years all visual reminders of the Black River Falls fire will be gone.

I don't remember if my sister or I ever took any pictures from the top of the overlook. But if I ever find them, I'm sure they will be a sight to see.

Weekend Wordle

It's time for the Weekend Wordle. Here are the very simple instructions:

01) Go to Wordle.net to create your Wordle. It's lots of fun. You can tweak the colors, fonts and such.
02) Post it on your blog with a link to Last Shreds Of Sanity.
03) Once that's done, go back to Last Shreds Of Sanity and sign the Mr Linky that she has up. Dont forget to leave a comment on the sites you visit!!

Here's my wordle that I created using my catch-up post from last night.

Band Of Thieves Expands Range

Last year, I reported about the possibility of gumball machines being used to poison people in NJ, then about a gumball machine being stolen in Texas. It appears the thieves are recruiting members in additional states. This was reported in January in Bismarck, ND.

BISMARCK, N.D. (AP) You might say Bismarck Police have something to chew on. They report someone stole a $595 gumball machine from a Dan's Supermarket store. Lt. Randy Ziegler said the theft was reported Friday after the vendor discovered it missing. Also stolen were a $11.95 sign, $65.10 in gumballs and $212.50 in change. Ziegler says surveillance tapes show a man about 20 years old in a black hooded sweatshirt putting the machine in a gray passenger vehicle and driving off. Information from: Bismarck Tribune, http://www.bismarcktribune.com (Copyright 2009 by The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved.) APNP 01-27-09 0757CST

Finally caught up! (Almost)

I'm finally caught up with the blogs I follow, except for just one, which I'll go read very shortly. In the meantime, before I forgot, I wanted to post to let everyone know what I've been up to.

The trip to MN was very nice. I love seeing my cousins, even though they're between seven and 12 years older than me. They all have kids, and one is a grandma. The memorial for my uncle was very nice, about 30 minutes long. That night we went to my cousin Carole's house for pizza. The whole family showed up. Four cousins and their spouses, my aunt, me, seven of the nine grandchildren, one spouse of a grandchild, one boyfriend of a grandchild, and one great-grandchild. So about 20 of us hanging out. A really nice way to end the evening.

The drive up and back was not a lot of fun. My back has been bothering me for a week and a half now, and sitting in my car for six to seven hours doesn't help. I stopped at every rest stop just to get out and walk for a few minutes. It never really made anything more comfortable, it just made it possible for me to get out and walk at the next rest stop.

I thought it would be nice, having a short week of only four days, but yesterday afternoon my throat started feeling sore. By the time I went to bed last night, I was shivering, and fearing I had a fever, took my temperature. It was about 99F. Not bad by any means, but enough to make me shiver almost uncontrollably with sweats and a sweatshirt on, under a blanket. I had already taken Ibuprofen for my back, so there was no point taking anything for my fever.

When I woke up this morning, my fever was gone, which I expected, but my throat was worse. And I completely felt like crap. So I called in and left a couple messages for people letting them know I was taking a sick day. That was at 6:30AM, I then went back to sleep until 11:19AM. I've lazed around all day, doing nothing, hoping that I'll be feeling better tomorrow or Sunday.

I'm supposed to go to my aunt's house Sunday for lunch and to see the movie The Watchmen. While I don't want to get anyone sick, I do want to see that movie, so I'm hoping my throat is better and that whatever this is doesn't spread to my nose by then.

Flashback to yesterday morning. While putting my socks on, I heard a bluejay screeching outside. When I turned to see if he was nearby, I saw a charlie on my balcony. When I got up to shoo him away from the bird feeder, I notice the bluejay was AT the feeder. I stood there for a minute, drinking in the wonder at a bluejay at my feeder. Once he flew off, I opened up the sliding door, stuck my arm out to shoo away the squirrel. He just looked at me like I was crazy. So, I opened the door a bit more, stuck half my body out, waved my arm some more, and told him to shoo. He jumped up on the railing and contemplated just how far outside he could entice me.

Making sure I blocked the entrance to my apt, so charlie wouldn't get any ideas about running inside, I stepped all the way out onto the balcony, still in just my socks. Charlie tried to get me to follow him further by leaping from the balcony to the outside ledge of the window in the second bedroom. Knowing that was not far enough to prevent him from returning to his feast of birdseed, I stepped closer to the railing, continuing to tell him to shoo and go away. Finally he gave up, jumped to the tree, scampered down the trunk and bounded away to someplace more quiet. I said goodbye to Charlie, went back inside, closed the door, put my shoes on and went to work. What work he put me through!

Besides the bluejay, I received another sign that spring is coming very soon. No, it wasn't the 60 degree temps today, although that is a good indication. This was another feathered friend, the American Robin. It's the first one I've seen this year, and I know when they show up that spring is on the way. It's so nice now that I'm starting to hear the birds singing outside my window in the morning, instead of the chip chip that I hear mostly in winter (with the occasional chick-a-dee-dee-dee).

I never did post a video of one of this week's Idol performances. I'm really slipping, because there were some really bad ones this week!

Enjoy your weekend!

A New Angel In Heaven

Thursday night while watching American Idol, my phone rang in the other room, unbeknownst to me. Afterwards, noticing I had a message on my phone, I checked the caller ID, and realized it was my aunt in MN. I listened to the voice mail message she left me; it was very brief.

I knew what this call was about.

For the last nine years, my uncle has been slowly succumbing to Alzheimers Disease. For almost all of those nine years, my aunt took care of him at their home, where he was most comfortable.

Recently though, he was needing more care than she was able to give. Being 81 years old, neither she nor he are/were spring chickens. It finally got to be too much for her. The decision was made, with the help of their children, to put him in a memory care home nearby.

He appeared to be adjusting ok for the first few days, but then he stopped eating, and wouldn't take his medications. They took him to the emergency room at the hospital, where he was admitted. He stayed there for a couple days, then was moved to a nursing home. After about a day, they refused to deal with him any longer, and returned him to the hospital. From what I've been told, they didn't have the anti-psychotic drug that he had been on, and the alternative they were giving him in the meantime wasn't working all that well. Another nursing home was found that was willing to deal with his problems.

Both my aunt and uncle decided years ago that they didn't want extreme measures taken to keep them alive, if there was no hope for a meaningful recovery. My aunt spoke with the doctors, and they all agreed that he was not going to get any better, and that they weren't going to force-feed him.

Tuesday February 24 2009, about 7:30PM, my Uncle Bill passed away quietly with his wife and daughter by his side. He was 81 years old.

Tomorrow morning, I am starting the long drive to the twin cities for the memorial, to be held at their church on Sunday. I'll return on Monday.

Hopefully my back will handle the trip ok. It's been bothering me all week and I've been taking Ibuprofen 800 mg, but I'm not looking forward to the 7 hour drive. Can you say rest stop? I'll be stopping at every one of them, plus maybe in between if necessary.

I'll catch up on everything when I get home next week.

American Idol 2nd Group of 12

Tonight was Nick's night. Nick Mitchell aka Normund Gentle was definitely the high point. He's not the best singer, by far. But, he is the most entertaining. Vote For The Worst has picked him this week, like we didn't expect that. He may just make it through on pure entertainment, not talent. Here's the video, you decide.

Pimpin' a Contest!

If you read Blue Ridge Gal's or Punkn's blogs, you know what I'm going to talk about. A contest over at Chronicles of a Country Girl, that is just so awesome!

She has nine pictures, you pick your favorite, leave a comment telling her your pick. Then blog about her contest, leave her a link to your blog, and you get a total of two chances to win. And the pictures are fantastic, I had a hard time choosing!

So what are you waiting for? Go take a look!

I'm Not Needy...Really I'm Not!

Matt over at My Side Of The Story did a post where you put your name into Google and add the word 'needs' after it and see what results you get. You're supposed to list the first 10 things that show up. No searching around for something better.

However, because my first name is the same as the Ex of Charlie Sheen, I got a lot of hits regarding Denise Richards. Kind of hard to post those when they are specifically referring to her.

But I'll try.

1. Denise needs a fame & glory. Maybe not the fame part, I'm happy sitting in the shadows, but the glory...I wouldn't mind a bit of that.

2. Denise needs her mouth wired shut! Hey now! I know I can sometimes talk a lot, but wiring my mouth shut is pretty drastic.

3. Denise needs money? Don't we all? Speaking of money, I need to get some Mega Millions numbers tomorrow after work. Jackpot is over $140 million!

4. Denise needs to take a page from one of the Housewives of the OC. Ummm, no I don't. Really. They aren't all that.

I'm now on page 2 of my google results.

5. Denise needs prayers! Don't we all? I would love to have all my friends praying for me every day. In exchange, I'll pray for all of you. Deal?

Page 3 of Google results.

6. Denise needs a tutor on Flikr. Ummm, I don't have a Flikr account, so I'm not sure what the tutor would be for. Not gonna go where my mind just wandered...

Page 4 of Google results.

7. Denise needs a maid. Why yes I do, thank you so kindly for sharing that with the world! Ok, so I'm not the best housekeeper. But it's just me here, and my motto is: My house is clean enough to be healthy, and dirty enough to be happy.

8. Denise needs to realize. What do I need to realize? That my results suck? That I should change my name if I want interesting answers? That this post is getting boring? That it's almost time for bed and I better hurry this thing up? What?? Just tell me already!

9. Denise needs to move on with her life. That's what I'm trying to do...move on to bed. If I can just find one more thing I need to do, then I can do what I want to do.

Page 5 of Google results. Ok, I am TOTALLY not posting the next one! It's just too disgusting!

Ok, this next one is printable.

10. Denise needs to get over herself. Wow, I didn't think I was like that. Please, someone tell me if this is true. I'll totally change my ways, honest!

So there you have it. I wonder if I'd get better results if I used my middle name? And most of what I found did in fact refer to Denise Richards. I skipped over the ones that said "Denise Richards needs to..." I only picked the ones that used just the first name.

So, what do you need?